February 7 2025

VINEETO: Hence the expression that the planet grows human beings neither requires conjecture nor searching for the origin of flora, fauna and human beings in outer space.

HENRY: I was initially trying to capture that I was observing (more) directly the matter that everything is composed of without the influence of feeling-fed narrative. Though the irony is that describing it as star-dust is reintroducing narrative as in ‘stars act as a forge for the creation of heavier forms of matter via fusion, which are then spread throughout the universe and condense into planets.’ Already this is treading into scientific theory which I haven’t researched deeply.

However, I did have a chuckle when I saw that ‘theoretical models’ were part of the evidence, and it made it apparent that the theorizing since then has also been a model (though many of the aspects of evidence above are directly observable with the right equipment).

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

Well spotted, “spread throughout the universe” is clearly based on belief in an expanding of the universe. You are also alert to “‘theoretical models’” and probably already keep in mind that atoms and molecules and their smaller derivations are all theoretical thingymajigs. (see Richard, Abditorium, Sir Brian Pippard).

‘Vineeto’ was initially quite delighted with the wonderful images from the Hubble telescope and collected many on the computer until one day Richard told ‘her’ that all images are artificially coloured, ‘translated’, if my memory serves me correctly, from measurement based amongst other input on ‘Doppler shift’ and red shift, both from the assumption that stellar object are ‘moving away’ in an expanding universe. As such the colouring is most likely not how these galaxies actually look like. ‘She’ soon lost interest after that information. I also found this curious quote in the Helioseismology link –

“The derived velocity law implies a supermassive object in the centre of the galaxy with 3×10⁶ solar masses. This provides strong evidence for the presence of a massive black hole {!!} in the centre of the Milky Way.”

Reading these ‘scientific’ presentations requires a lot of care and caution to sort any possible factual information from the generally believed narrative.

HENRY: Further, on reflection it’s apparent that part of that theory is dependent on big bang theory, as the supposition is that the universe ‘started out’ in a theorized pre-matter form, transforming into plasma and ‘elementary particles’ (which exist theoretically as well) and then which condensed into “mostly hydrogen, with some helium and lithium.”

VINEETO: Ha, exactly. The first article you linked to states “Astronomers estimate that the universe could contain up to one septillion stars”. This limited number (despite its size) can only be confidently stated when one believes the universe to be finite in time and space (in order to leave room for god(s) to reside).

HENRY: From here, the lighter gases would eventually fuse to form the myriad of forms of matter we see today. However, with no big bang there’s no ‘beginning’ and so this chain of events doesn’t have to occur to produce that myriad of forms.

We do know that fusion occurs, it can be generated(?) in the lab (albeit for a short time), and it does produce heavier elements. But there is plenty of room for theory around the edges…

VINEETO: You do seem to get the drift – as Richard said, facts are thin on the ground.

HENRY: Because of all this, I understand what you mean as far as this planet growing us as being directly observable, whereas “the sun is powered by fusion and therefore this is all stardust” is an abstraction based on a theoretical understanding. In me, it took the form of a meme – I first heard the phrase in a Moby song: Moby ‘We Are All Made of Stars’ <snipped lyrics and interviews> That famously solipsistic argument. So that indicates somewhat his attitude toward the universe.

VINEETO: As you demonstrate they are hopelessly steeped in non-material /spiritual fantasy and some are “famously solipsistic” as well.

HENRY: All in all, it’s a reminder for me of the dynamics described in one of my favorite passages of Richard’s:

Richard: “Pure perception takes place sensitively just before one starts feeling the percept – and thus thinking about it affectively – which takes place just before one’s feeling-fed mind says: ‘It’s a man’ or: ‘It’s a woman’ or: ‘It’s a steak-burger’ or: ‘It’s a tofu-burger’ … with all that is implied in this identification and the ramifications that stem from that.” (Richard, Articles, Attentiveness, Sensuousness, Apperceptiveness).

In one instant was a quite pure experience (though there was still self present) and then I ‘translated’ the experience into a form that ‘I’ understood.

VINEETO: This is a good description of what happened and you made a very valiant attempt to describe it that I recognized the significance and close-to-purity of this experience for you.

Cheers Vineeto

February 7 2025

VINEETO: Whereas I cannot honestly say that I am “star-dust” (as in “gaseous swirls of matter (as seen in nebulae) condensing into varying forms of stars, small planets, gas giants, etc”). In other words, I am the universe experiencing itself as a human being, I am not the universe per se, as in “gaseous swirls of matter”.

HENRY: On rereading I see that part of the issue is ‘identifying with’ the objectified star-dust, which is a form of projection, whereas it is direct to say “I am this human body, composed of the same matter which composes the rest of the universe, grown on earth.

I can see how looking out & identifying with something distant & grand becomes self-aggrandizement (which is where the mystique and power of the Moby song comes from).
Regardless of where I came from, I am now this flesh & blood body experiencing life here and now.

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

Don’t be too hasty with that statement. It is only factual when ‘I’ and ‘me’ are in abeyance.

”‘Identifying with’ the objectified star-dust“ would be an additional removal (to being an identity) from actuality so it is beneficial to recognize that and decline whenever it happens.

As ‘I’ am my feelings ‘I’ cannot disidentify from what ‘I’ am, and any dissociative attempt to do that is counterproductive. ‘I’ and ‘me’ have to become extinct for one to be here permanently as “this flesh & blood body experiencing life here and now”.

HENRY: I’m interested in how this relates to the lack of centre upon actual freedom:

Richard: “…it is ‘I’ who, being a central figure in ‘my’ scheme of things, proposes that there is an outside to this material universe. There is not. This universe has no edges … which means that there is no centre either. With no centre to existence we are nowhere in particular.

Being here, as an actuality, is to be anywhere at all, for infinity is everywhere all at once.” (Richard, Articles, List A, No. 12 #No. 01)

VINEETO: As you are not “this flesh & blood body experiencing life here and now” unless you are in a PCE, this question cannot be answered as is. In a PCE you may experience to be “nowhere in particular” and get a glimpse of what it is to “be anywhere at all, for infinity is everywhere all at once.” It is marvellous, albeit it can be somewhat disorienting at first.

HENRY: The star-dust, nebulae, etc. is not really ‘out there,’ as there is no separation without identity… something for me to ponder.

VINEETO: Exactly. It’s grand when you recognize that the universe is “not really ‘out there’” and then can experientially verify it over and over.

Cheers Vineeto

February 8 2025

VINEETO: As ‘I’ am my feelings ‘I’ cannot disidentify from what ‘I’ am, and any dissociative attempt to do that is counterproductive. ‘I’ and ‘me’ have to become extinct for one to be here permanently as “this flesh & blood body experiencing life here and now”.

VINEETO: As you are not “this flesh & blood body experiencing life here and now” unless you are in a PCE, this question cannot be answered as is. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Henry, 7 February 2025a).

HENRY: This was awesome to read, thank you for setting me straight on this. I’ve been trying to force something which wasn’t happening, it explains a lot of the dissociation that I’ve experienced over the years. It’s like the actualism equivalent of stolen valour, trying to ‘be’ something that I’m not!

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

I am pleased that you got this in one – it’s a big and essential realisation to distinguish between the ‘outer’ world created by the identity within and the actual world. The identity creates a veneer pasting it over everything you see, hear, touch and smell.

RESPONDENT: When a person is not experiencing either ASC or PCE, what is one experiencing?

RICHARD: Put simply: the normal, everyday reality that 6.0+ billion identities are pasting as a veneer over actuality.

RESPONDENT: Is the ‘actual’ person NOT seeing the ‘actual’ world? NOT hearing the ‘actual’ world? NOT smelling, tasting, and touching the ‘actual’ world?

RICHARD: The flesh and blood bodies – all 6.0+ billion of them – are seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching (and proprioceptively sensing) the actual world.

RESPONDENT: I haven’t noticed people walking into walls or failing to respond when called. What’s happening?

RICHARD: The facsimile walls and calls (the veneered reality) are sufficient for the purpose thereof.

RESPONDENT: I won’t presume that my understanding based on my experience matches yours, but I find it intriguing that you used the phrase ‘pasting as a veneer over actuality’. I understand that all 6B+ persons are experiencing the ‘actual’ world ...

RICHARD: All 6.0+ billion *flesh and blood bodies* are experiencing the actual world ... the entity, or being, residing in the body can only experience their ‘outer world’ reality. Here (from the footnote in this e-mail you are responding to):

• [Richard]: ‘(...) ‘I’/‘me’, a psychological/ psychic entity, am busily creating an inner world and an outer world and looking out through ‘my’ eyes upon ‘my’ outer world as if looking out through a window, listening to ‘my’ outer world through ‘my’ ears as if they were microphones, tasting ‘my’ outer world through ‘my’ tongue, touching ‘my’ outer world through ‘my’ skin and smelling ‘my’ outer world through ‘my’ nose. This entity, or being, residing in the body is forever cut-off from the actual – from the world as-it-is – because its inner world reality is pasted as a veneer over the actual world, thus creating the outer world reality known as the real world ...’. [endquote].

(Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 123, 30 August 2006).

I like your sense of humour with the “stolen valour” expression – in fact when you are adapting “stolen valour” you are fooling nobody but yourself. To be “this flesh & blood body experiencing life here and now” there is no other way but to give ‘your’ “full-blooded endorsement” to ‘your’ demise –

Respondent: I can’t say. It seems like it was the energy/order that happened simply re-aligned. It is almost as if that is calling one, though there is fear to answer that call ... .

Richard: Does the fear increase if you allow yourself to consider that the words ‘it is almost as if that is calling one’ are the same-same as saying: this utter fullness is this brain’s destiny; this is what one is here for?

Respondent: No, the fear abates. There is order in the perspective you express. Thanks for putting it like that.

Richard: Okay ... this is important, vital, pivotal: ‘I’, the thinker, know that ‘I’ cannot do it ... ‘I’ cannot disappear ‘myself’. Only the ‘utter fullness’ can, and the ‘utter fullness’ is ‘calling one’, each moment again, and it is only when ‘I’ fully comprehend – totally, completely, fundamentally – that to be living this ‘utter fullness’ is to be living ‘my’ destiny will one be able ‘to answer that call’.

This full-blooded endorsement means it then becomes inevitable. (Richard, List B, No. 25f, 18 June 2000).

And because the means to the end is the same as the end (enjoyment and appreciation) this is going to be a fun adventure. Remember to dust off, i.e. awaken, your dormant naiveté and you will experientially know what I mean.

Richard: Maybe it is suffice to say at this stage that I do stress how essential the pure intent of naiveté is ... yet because ‘naïve’ and ‘gullible’ are so closely linked (via the trusting nature of a child in concert with the lack of knowledge inherent to childhood) in the now-adult mind most peoples initially have difficulty separating the one from another. Perhaps it may be helpful to report that, when I first re-gained naiveté (which is the closest a ‘self’ can approximate to innocence) at age 33 years, I would exclaim to whoever was prepared to listen that ‘it is like being a child again ... but with adult sensibilities’ (naïve but not gullible). I was soon to discover, however, that being child-like is not it – children are not innocent – and that innocence is totally new to anyone’s experience (it is just that a child is more prone to readily allowing the moment to live one, from time-to-time, than a cynical adult is).

Thus the pure intent of naiveté provides the collateral assurance ‘I’ require to safely give ‘myself’ permission to allow this moment to live me (rather than ‘me’ trying to live in the present) and to let go the controls. Yet it is the direct experience itself which is the fundamental factor when it comes to making the curious decision to abandon both one’s present course and that of one’s peers and plunge into the adventure of a lifetime. (…)

This is what is important. (Richard, List B, No. 25f, 22 June 2000)

Cheers Vineeto

March 20 2025

HENRY: Continuing the theme from Kuba’s and Claudiu’s journals, I have been investigating my own motivations while continuing to allow pure intent ever-greater influence, with wonderful results.

It has recently become clear to me that my primary obstacle has been a lack of courage in the face of humanity, a fundamental fear of ‘what would happen to me’ if my true views were exposed. It’s now clear that that fear is of ‘me’ being exposed rather than doubt about the PCE or the actually free state, meaning that it is ultimately circular in nature (I am afraid because I am afraid).

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

This is an excellent observation. As you said, the top-layer of this being afraid of being afraid is habitual, therefore it is relatively easy with diligent attentiveness to notice its occurrence and decline each time.

HENRY: Because of the nonsensical nature of this position, as well as the apparent ubiquity of same position amongst my fellow humans, I have experienced a surge in motivation to free myself and everyone from this condition, consequences be damned. This audacity is experiential and obvious in its contrast to my habitually flinching character. It isn’t only me that has been holding back and putting on airs; it is also my friends, my lovers, my family, and all those that I have looked up to, pursued, or imitated throughout my life.

VINEETO: The next layer is the emotional/ visceral fear of being afraid. Here a certain amount of audacity is required to allow yourself to feel the fear. You will notice, as feeling being ‘Vineeto’ did, that by allowing the feeling of fear to come to the surface (without dissociation), the fear itself diminished to the large degree. The reason is that fighting the fear is feeding it. By allowing the feeling you stop feeding it. Then the core layer of fear can be allowed to come to the surface without being overwhelming, and by being the feeling you can easily get back to feeling good and then ruminate, contemplate about its nature (for instance: the fear of what other people think about you when you do x, y or z).

HENRY: I appreciate especially Vineeto’s recent post describing the events of the ‘mutiny’ from ‘her’ perspective, as it gave me a healthy dose of naïveté and a reminder of the simplicity and clarity of freedom as contrasted with my complex and confused nature.

VINEETO: I am pleased to hear, Henry. It is mainly fear of appearing foolish in the eyes of others, and in one’s own eyes, which prevents one getting in contact with one’s naiveté, hidden-away-during-puberty, and it will open up a world of wonder and amazement, of adventurous excitement and curiosity in how ‘I’ operate. That’s when the actualism method really becomes fun.

HENRY: I can no longer ignore the man behind the curtain.

VINEETO: And why should you, be like a child again but with adult sensibilities.

*

HENRY: I have recently found that a major insecurity for me has been perceiving myself as ineffectual. I work as a social worker, and have frequently felt that it is an extremely ineffective profession: the stated aims are the rather nebulous “help people”, which is then backed up with dubious or non-existent financial and social support. The profession is filled with the compassionate and ineffective, forever wringing their hands and bemoaning the suffering they see.

These do-gooders and victims are just as much a part of society, just as much a reflection of humanity as those who flex their power to greedily vacuum up wealth and further influence. Further, anger directed toward them is already an in-built function of society; my YouTube algorithm is currently packed with such individuals self-righteously railing to no avail.

VINEETO: I can well relate to this tale. ‘Vineeto’ was trained as a social worker and found ‘herself’ over-educated and underqualified in practice, when ‘she’ worked as an addiction consultant after finishing ‘her’ university degree. The suffering coupled with cunning of the addicts bent on milking the system, which had no cure but only panacea, caused ‘Vineeto’ so much emotional stress that she had to quit after only two years.

‘She’ knew ‘she’ had no solution nor could ‘she’ see any on the horizon. Let me know if you find a way of becoming effective in your field of expertise. Remember –

Richard: Mr. Sigmund Freud’s (…) solution: A well-balanced personality is one that can juggle these conflicting demands in a compromise between social responsibility and personal gratification. His result: A troubled personality could, with analysis, be returned to normal. His definition of normal: ‘Common human unhappiness’. (Richard, List B, No. 20b, 25 July 1998).

HENRY: In the end, the prescription is straightforward: to become effective. How could I respect myself otherwise? It is an insult to intelligence (to paraphrase Richard) to continue on attempting something with an obvious and long-running track-record of futility. To continue to be weak and wasteful with this one life is abhorrent, leaving me with nowhere to go but the place that scares me the most – intimacy & enjoyment of this moment of being alive.

VINEETO: I wish you success in whatever field of endeavour you are choosing to be effective.

Cheers Vineeto

April 10 2025

HENRY: Recently travelled to another city, I got back home last night. I saw how while I was gone there was a breath of fresh air as I was outside my usual environs, habits, and triggers. Similarly, when I got on the plane and began to anticipate being home, I could see my old triggers popping up again one by one, as though I was dressing in ‘my’ familiar clothing, one article at a time to complete the outfit.

From this perspective the actualism method is obvious – seeing each of those triggers and questioning its usefulness, ultimately choosing to discard them each one by one, revealing enjoyment & appreciation in their absence. Similarly, it’s obvious why the method can only be completed from the position of being ‘me’: each thing/ identity structure can only be observed while it is in operation. Success is apparent as each thing is discarded to never return.

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

What a great report of success. And you spelt it out precisely – progress can only happen “from the position of being ‘me’”. PCEs are fundamental to experientially understand actualism, for renewed confidence in your growing comprehension of an actual freedom and a firm connection to pure intent. But to apply the actualism and move towards your goal of becoming free the “identity structure can only be observed while it is in operation”, and subsequently dismantled and discarded.

HENRY: It’s also obvious how much more ‘light’ and comfortable I was when I was outside my usual – illustrative of the things that ‘I’ still consist of. ‘I’ have felt very awkward and uncomfortable since being back, the contrast makes this obvious. I’m aiming to make the most of this period of contrast.

VINEETO: Your feeling “awkward and uncomfortable” is due to ‘me’ having lost some of the strict control ‘you’ had over your life. You can direct those feeling towards opening more and more to being naïve and unsophisticated, allowing yourself to embrace and enjoy the already lost control and this new-won freedom, and revel in the magic it provides to your ongoing experience of enjoyment and wonderment.

It reminds me of Richard’s story on his personal web-page –

Richard (speaking in the third person on the 3rd of February, 2016):

(…) as the new year dawned in 1981 and as the grandmother of ‘his’ four children was driving them all down the driveway of ‘his’ ex-farmhouse after having heroically elected to have all of her grandchildren stay with her in the city for a three-week holiday (which had left ‘him’ and ‘his’ wife on their own together for the first time since the birth of the first child around fourteen years previously) so as to give her daughter and son-in-law a break from parentage, and, hopefully in her mind, to be of assistance in the resurrection of their failing marriage. (…)

When their children were duly returned by an exhausted grandmother, after their three-week exposure to the big-city lifestyle had run its course, ‘he’ was particularly determined not to lose what ‘he’ dubbed the ‘honeymoon atmosphere’ by reverting to type – although ‘his’ wife fared badly in this respect (as per the ‘not-even-peeved’ mouse-hover tool-tip, for instance, in the next paragraph below) – and four weeks later as the official school year was due to commence ‘he’ was similarly set on not losing, as the minimal or bottom line of moment-to-moment experiencing, what ‘he’ dubbed the ‘holiday atmosphere’ (engendered via interacting with ‘his’ children as if a child again, albeit with adult sensibilities, due to an irrepressible re-emergence of ‘his’ hidden-away-during-puberty childhood naïveté).

For what ‘he’ had twigged to, in the beginning stages of their joint venture (and particularly exemplified by ‘his’ wife’s predilection for venting over voicing), was how it was far, far easier and simpler to stay in a good mood come-what-may – preferably a happy and harmless mood of course – than claw ‘his’ way back up to feeling good, again and again, after having habitually reverted to type. (Richard’s personal Webpage, tooltip after “the birth of the first child”).

HENRY: On the flip side, it makes it clear how much better being even somewhat closer to felicity & innocuity is. ‘My’ life, priorities, and triggers seem so transparent and ephemeral right now. All it took was for me to get on a plane and fly an hour from home for ‘me’ to go into somewhat of a hibernation (or ‘holiday!’). All these objects, attachments, ‘needs,’ narratives etc. were discarded and forgotten, why pick them up again?

VINEETO: Well, “all it took was for me to get on a plane” is only the start – now it is the fun challenge to keep the ‘holiday atmosphere’ going and with diligent and fascinated attention avoid to return to the “usual environs, habits, and triggers”.

What do you think – isn’t this doable?

Cheers Vineeto

April 12 2025

HENRY: It’s been becoming very obvious lately how much I center lust/ libido in my priorities, as well as some of the pitfalls of that approach, so I have been poking around in it a bit more. It seems my loop is boredom – desire/ lust – anxiety. They depend on each other, as in boredom is an escape from anxiety, desire/ lust is a fantasized escape from boredom, and anxiety occurs when something interrupts or breaks the fantasized desire.

Seemingly every moment of ‘my’ life has been within that loop in some way or another, I can see how many of my habitual activities are driven by one of those 3. Perhaps you could add anger-aggression as a step after anxiety (rebelling against feeling the anxiety, which eventually collapses into boredom/ depression).

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

My first question would be – did you come up with this diagnosis when feeling good? Otherwise your diagnosis would just be a symptom of your feeling cycle.

Let’s assume you have identified three main priorities correctly – boredom, lust and anxiety – with some incidences of anger.

Here is one example where Richard talks about boredom – without me having to guess why you are possibly bored with life when you could be fascinated with finding out why you are bored –

Respondent: Most of the time, when I am not happy, my feelings are that of boredom, light resentment, hope etc. In case of such feelings, even though I can see the silliness of having them, I can not find what causes them and when do they start.

Richard: Put simplistically: they start when the happiness (and harmlessness) stops ... and the happiness (and harmlessness) stops because of an event.

The moment you become aware of feeling bored (for instance) can you not recall when you last felt happy (and harmless)? What has happened, then, between the last time you felt happy (and harmless) and now? When did you feel happy (and harmless) last? Five minutes ago? Five hours ago? What happened to end that happiness (and harmlessness)? Was it something someone said? Or was it something someone did not do? Or was it something you wanted? Or was it something you did not do?

And so on and so forth until the specific moment of ceasing to feel happy (and harmless) is pin-pointed by the event which triggered off that loss of felicity/ innocuity. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 4a, 31 July 2005).

Boredom is sometimes also described as ‘feeling neutral’, listless, resigned, resentful or depressed, and they all have at root the same cause – I don’t want to be here and I don’t want to find out what prevents me from being happy and harmless instead and enjoy being here now, at this only moment which one can experience being alive.

The loop you describe all stems from trying to escape the original condition of not wanting to be here in an engaged way. I am reminded of what you said about dissociation a few weeks ago – perhaps there is a clue –

Henry: I’ve been trying to force something which wasn’t happening, it explains a lot of the dissociation that I’ve experienced over the years.

HENRY: In contrast to this loop is fun, as Vineeto has reminded me on a few occasions! Fun is interesting because it exists completely on its own, it does not depend on any outcome in contrast to desire-lust, which depends on certain instinctual cues which then must be engineered/ controlled. No wonder it’s always disappointed! Fun happens here & now. I’m having a very interesting time right now contrasting this against ‘my’ loop, they exist on such different existential threads. I can be a Henry that loops through those 3 familiar states, or I can be a Henry that enjoys and appreciates what is happening now.

VINEETO: Again, what is the obstacle that prevents you from enjoying and appreciating being here?

HENRY: My most consistent interruption of PCEs/ excellence in the past has been that I ‘remember’ my ‘important mission’ to seek out my symbols of desire, and then turn my attention toward acquisition, which I now see is just one step in the looping.

VINEETO: The following correspondence might be informative –

Respondent: One thing that puzzles me is when I do examine my conditioning, it is difficult to establish what exactly is social conditioning and what is not – for example I adopted our society’s view of what a hot and sexy female body ought to be, from the covers of Maxim magazine and the like. Upon exploring how meaningless this particular standard is by comparing to other societies’ standards, it seems that my sex instinct naturally selected another, now simply broader, group of women to be attracted too. It was funny to see how that altered desire just showed up, like a redirecting of the same old instinct, without ‘my’ consent. However, the social conditioning behind the idea of ‘human beauty’ is my big question. What does human beauty mean in the actual world?

Richard: Nothing whatsoever ... there is no ‘human beauty’ here in this actual world: beauty is the affective substitute for the purity of the perfection of the actual ... just as love is the affective surrogate for actual intimacy. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 42, 16 February 2003).

In other words, when you are naïve, awaken your dormant naiveté, women will no longer be objects of your “mission” or merely an “acquisition” to satisfy your desire, but fellow human beings, persons in their own right and interesting to interact with. It is an entirely different ballgame and a fascinating inclusive adventure to boot.

HENRY: I am informed here by Vineeto’s description of the woman of Indian birth becoming free:

Vineeto to Kuba: I have seen it happen with the woman of Indian birth. (Richard, List D, Rick, 23 December 2011) (snipped). (Actualism, Actualvineeto, Kuba5, 14 March 2025).

VINEETO: The situation you are referring to does not apply here – you seeing the loop does not end it, perhaps because the seeing is merely intellectual and not existential. However, with sincerity you can unlock naiveté (again), which will allow you to be more fully engaged and sincerely fascinated being alive, and like your fellow human beings, both male and female –

Richard: In early January, 1981, feeling-being ‘Richard’ had ‘his’ first memorable experience of being naiveté – the nearest a ‘self’ can get to innocence whilst remaining a ‘self’ – and ‘he’ was particularly struck by the experiential fact of finally being likeable (albeit a likeable persona mind you), and, thusly, a liker of ‘his’ fellow human beings also as they too were (potentially) likeable as well. (A Quaint Clay-Pit Tale)

HENRY: As I recall moments of my life, I can look for moments of particular vibes and see how they have repeated metronomicly, whether in the hourly, daily, monthly, or yearly scales. This is ‘my’ life, what ‘I’ have proven myself to be. And then there is now, where there is a choice to be made of how to be.

VINEETO: What happened to the ‘holiday atmosphere’ after you stepped off the plane which you wrote about 2-3 days ago? Viz:

Henry: All it took was for me to get on a plane and fly an hour from home for ‘me’ to go into somewhat of a hibernation (or ‘holiday!’). All these objects, attachments, ‘needs,’ narratives etc. were discarded and forgotten, why pick them up again?

Cheers Vineeto

April 14 2025

HENRY: …  I’d say typically that happiness & harmlessness has frequently stopped in the past because some hopeful fantasy of mine was disappointed. (…)

Yes, I can see that same retreating attitude coming up reflexively. And then the pursuit of fantasy-objects drains what affective energy I could conjure. So it’s about choosing pure intent / pursuit of freedom as the priority over those. I have believed in them. … Believing in romantic love, essentially.

VINEETO: Hi Henry,

Great, you pinpointed the dominating obstacle which stops you feeling good – now my next question is: what will it take for you to inquire into and dismantle “believing in romantic love”?

It is possible and doable, but it requires an ongoing affective attentiveness to how you feel whenever emotions pop up regarding the “acquisition” of women, and observing how much your feelings and behaviour are shaped by the various dreams and taboos you have swallowed hook, line and sinker when growing up, like so many others have. Don’t be afraid that you might feel a fool, as it is not your fault, and the discoveries and acknowledgement of what is happening are of great benefit to boot. Besides, being courageously honest with yourself will lead to sincerity, and sincerity can open the door to naiveté.

*

VINEETO: ... when you are naïve, awaken your dormant naiveté, women will no longer be objects of your “mission” or merely an “acquisition” to satisfy your desire, but fellow human beings, persons in their own right and interesting to interact with.

HENRY: This is definitely my bleeding edge at this point. I’m looking at this now.

VINEETO: Perhaps this quote may give you even more encouragement to become fascinated and engaged when contemplating this topic –

Richard: To spell-it-out then: All through the ages, and throughout all cultures, one basic predicament exemplified the problem of human relationship and, thus, civilisation itself: man and woman had never been able to live together in peace and harmony – let alone with mutual gladness and delight – for the twenty-four hours of every day for the duration of their respective lives. (…)

Thus the basic premise was, and is, as simplistic as this: if man and woman cannot or could not live together with nary a bicker or a squabble – let alone a quarrel or a wrangle – then forget about street-marches, assorted ‘love-ins’ and other public-demonstrations calling for world peace because man-woman sexuality and intimacy is the genesis of family and thus the very core of civilisation itself.

Is it not high time ‘grown-ups’ began living-up to the title “mature adults” else the next generation, and those thereafter ever anon, also settle for a best which is less than the superlative best? (Richard, List D, Andrew, 28 February 2016).

What Richard wrote just two paragraphs before the above link may be relevant as well –

Richard: “I can say this much: the something else which those others you refer to *do not need* is a history of attention-training (as in meditation, passive awareness, mindfulness, self observation) ... if anything *they need to unlearn/ discard* all of those tried and failed disciplines.

And unless/ until that much is crystal-clear there is no point in discussing just what the something else was, which the identity in residence circa the ‘eighties decade had in abundance, which those others you refer to may very well be in need of”. [emphases added].(Richard, AF List, No. 68d, 30 Oct 2005).

Have you never wondered, for instance, why the near-innocent intimacy of naïveté does not feature in dictionary listings of various forms of intimacy/ ways of being intimate? (Richard, List D, Andrew, 28 February 2016).

There is certainly a lot of further wonderful and fascinatingly revealing details to discover and explore once you leave “believing in romantic love” behind.

*

VINEETO: The situation you are referring to does not apply here – you seeing the loop does not end it, perhaps because the seeing is merely intellectual and not existential. However, with sincerity you can unlock naiveté (again), which will allow you to be more fully engaged and sincerely fascinated being alive, and like your fellow human beings, both male and female –

HENRY: This point is well taken. It’s becoming clearer and clearer to me how I have consistently leaned on ‘my’ intellect to ‘understand’ things and overlooking the essential ingredients of naiveté & fascination. I had an experience of naiveté around 10 days ago and I could clearly see how the thoughts & conclusions I was experiencing were completely different, things were coming out of ‘left field’ which makes it apparent how my normal thinking process is trying to imaginatively construct meaning from within myself. I can see how that would ensure that I stay in place.

I really want to figure this out, get over the hump with this.

VINEETO: Ha, you have un-coded my message correctly. It’s great to hear you are “moving in the right direction”. Naiveté starts with liking yourself and others, but it doesn’t stop there. The steady moving away from intellectualisation and theorizing in favour of directly experiencing how you are feeling at this moment of being alive, and removing any obstacle to feeling good right now, the only moment you can actually experience, will allow you to eventually be less guarded and more guileless. And once this new-found naiveté becomes familiar territory, nothing can stop you.

Besides, have you ever noticed that it is never not this moment?

HENRY: And I also find it threatening and fearful to not be considered attractive by people that I’m attracted to. That was, and has been the consistent trigger: I interact with someone I’m attracted to, generally become nervous, and then perceive or interpret that I’m being rejected and begin to spiral. This week has been a music festival evenings in my town, and that setting has been and continues to be a minefield for me. All of this is based on your observation above that I am viewing these women as an object of desire rather than “fellow human beings, persons in their own right and interesting to interact with”.

Well, enough thinking, time for more naiveté! Thank you for the considered response!

VINEETO: My guess would be that the first thing to disable is a habit of being hard on yourself, and start being your best friend in your own thrilling adventure to acknowledge the intricacies of the various feelings, sometimes happening in rapid succession. Putting the feeling (which ‘you’ are) in a bind, may allow you to ‘jump out of the box’ and experience a whole new world. (See Richard’s detailed description about putting anger in a bind).

It’s not possible to command yourself to be naïve but you can give yourself permission, bit by bit, to increasingly slip out from under the control of your superintending agent (the ‘doer’).

Cheers Vineeto