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Richard’s Correspondence On The Actual Freedom Mailing List With Correspondent Alan
RICHARD: If the only examples of massive self-delusion were the likes of Mr. Mervin Irani (aka Meher Baba), for instance, then it could be put down to ‘terms of reference’ in that he and his brethren are immersed in a culture that supports that purview. ALAN: I do not know Mr Meher Baba, who is, or was he? RICHARD: He was, is and always will be [quote]: ‘... the Highest of the High, my Will is Law, my Wish governs the Law, and my Love sustains the Universe. Whatever your apparent calamities and transient sufferings, they are but the outcome of my Love for the ultimate Good. Therefore, to approach Me for deliverance from your predicaments, to expect Me to satisfy your worldly desires, would be asking Me to do the impossible – to undo what I have already ordained. If you truly and in all faith accept your Baba as the Highest of the High, it behoves you to lay down your life at His feet, rather than to crave the fulfilment of your desires. Not your one life but your millions of lives would be but a small sacrifice to place at the feet of One such as Baba, who is the Highest of the High; for Baba’s unbounded Love is the only sure and unfailing guide to lead you safely through the innumerable blind alleys of your transient life’. [endquote]. * RICHARD: Mr. Franklin Jones, however, being born and raised in a milieu that does not/did not allow for deification demonstrates that the motivation lies deeper ... deep within the Human Condition. I refer to the psychic realm, of course ... an area that you have some demurral about. ALAN: From the little I know of Mr Franklin Jones, he has become more and more extreme with time. A friend of mine knew him and was quite a follower, when he was living in a flat in London. Perhaps it is his subsequent study of eastern spiritualism, which has caused his current view that he is god personified? RICHARD: He certainly studied eastern spiritualism ... and his studies confirmed what he had known all his life: that he was an Avatar (a God-Man not a Man-God). He was born as ‘The Bright’, according to his own autobiography, and knew that he was God until three of four years old (I am writing this from memory) whereupon he ‘forgot’ who he was so that he would have to ‘struggle’ for his divinity like any other person ... so as to show the way. He was not forced to take birth because of Karma but freely took on a human form out of compassion for suffering humankind. His autobiography ‘At The Knee Of Listening’ is a revealing read about the mentality of a messiah. There is a lot of ‘knowledge’ contained in the human psyche. ALAN: I also managed to get hold of the book you suggested, ‘Collision With The Infinite’, by Suzanne Segal, which gives an interesting perspective on the subject. She appears not to have succumbed to Divine Love and Compassion when her ego ‘disappeared’ – or at least not until some years later, when she came under the influence of various ‘Gurus’. The prevalent (and almost constant) emotion she had until she discovered ‘Love’ was fear. The question which arose for me, when reading her book, was who was feeling this fear? RICHARD: The rudimentary animal self common to all sentient beings – hence it is an atavistic fear – which is the incipient ‘Self’ in humans by whatever name (the Zen Buddhists call it ‘Original Face’) ... it is one’s ‘being’. ALAN: In relation to your own experiences, you have said you experienced dread and angst after the dissolution of your ‘soul’ in 1992. Who was feeling this dread? RICHARD: It was all a severe mental agitation seeking resolution in terms of either ‘the known’ (psychiatry) and/or ‘the unknown’ (mysticism) and it is indecision that causes anxiety. It is a classic example of the cause of panic ... two conflicting choices cancelling each other out creates either a freezing up – unable to think – or a deluge of racing thoughts (you will find this in any psychiatric text-book). That this disconcerting perplexity was only cerebral was evidenced by no sweaty palms, no increased heartbeat, no rapid breathing, no palpations in the solar plexus ... none of those things connected with ‘being’. If I were to look in a mirror during that period and ask ‘who am I’ there was no answer – not even ‘the silence that speaks louder than words’ that I had been experiencing for eleven years – yet the answer to ‘what am I’ was patently obvious and undeniable ... I am this body. The cognitive anguish was in determining the validity of uncharted territory – 5,000 years of recorded history and perhaps 50,000 years of oral tradition made no mention of this dimension of human experience – for I was irreversibly plunked fair-square in the midst of either ‘insanity’ (the psychiatric model) or ‘the unknowable’ (the metaphysical model). In the context of metaphysical human experience this condition is only achievable after physical death: the Buddhists call it ‘Parinirvana’ and the Hindus call it ‘Mahasamadhi’. This was no ‘dark night of the soul’ – which I knew from 1981 – this was something else ... beyond either psychiatric
or mystic human experience. It was pretty freaky stuff for a mere boy from the farm – who was he to set himself up to be the final arbiter of
human experience – and what was I doing in this territory anyway? What had I become? No self or Self (Depersonalisation)? No reality or Reality (Derealisation)?
No feeling or Being (Alexithymia)? No beauty or Truth (Anhedonia I do consider it so cute that freedom from the human condition is considered a mental disorder. ALAN: I do not know if the copy of her book which you have read included the ‘after-word’, written after her death. It is fairly brief, but seems to indicate that she ‘lost’ her ‘Love’, shortly before her death, possibly attributed to the brain tumour which killed her. Unfortunately the details are not extensive enough to draw any definite conclusions. RICHARD: Unfortunately indeed ... it is very difficult to gain any reliable information from the posturing parasites publicly parading paranormal perfectness ... they have a precarious position to uphold. During the eleven years I only revealed my misgivings regarding the ASC to my companion ... to do otherwise would be in flagrante delicto. ALAN: So far as the psychic realm is concerned, I think we may have had a misunderstanding. I presumed by referring to ‘psychic powers’ you were referring to telepathy, clairvoyance and the like, which we have discussed briefly. My view remains unaltered on these – i.e. they do not exist. RICHARD: They do not exist as an actuality ... but they are a reality to those who experience them and have an effect
on others similarly afflicted. They are unreliable and inexact, however. But I was talking of the psychic realm – access to the ‘akashic record’ ALAN: Having checked my dictionary: ‘psyche – the soul, spirit, mind; the principle of mental and emotional life, conscious and unconscious psychic – pertaining to the psyche, soul or mind; spiritual: spiritualistic: beyond, or apparently beyond, the physical: sensitive to or in touch with that which has not yet been explained physically’. So, if you are saying that the psychic realm is that which is beyond the physical, i.e. gods and demons and the like, as dreamt up by fertile human imagination, then we are not in disagreement. RICHARD: Yes, once again ‘gods and demons’ are not an actuality ... but a reality for those involved. When I use the term ‘psychic’ I am referring to the whole esoteric and arcane metaphysical package ... not just the preternatural and occult. ALAN: We have also discussed the ‘vibes’, which some people may have and whether it is possible for another to sense them. I presume you consider these to fall within the realm of psychic powers? RICHARD: No, emotional ‘vibes’ ALAN: While not 100% convinced, my view is that these do not exist, other than in the form of subtle body language. RICHARD: Body language plays a part, yes, and tone of voice and so on ... but there is an undercurrent as is evidenced when sitting in silence with another whilst not facing each other. There is an ‘atmosphere’ as is expressed in ‘the air was so thick that you could cut it with a knife’. ALAN: It would be easy to prove, or disprove, by setting up an experiment with one person blindfolded, not able to hear and not able to smell (as pheromones could be involved) and introducing others radiating love, anger etc into their presence. I am not aware of any research which has been done on ‘vibes’ – are you? RICHARD: I have not looked for any research as it has been so obvious from personal experience and in discussing with others. For example: returning from a walk abroad one is in good spirits ... yet as one goes to open the front door to one’s house a feeling of unease, of disquietude may be felt. Upon entering the supposed safety and sanctity of one’s own house one finds one’s husband and/or wife and/or mother and/or father and/or brother and/or sister fuming and ready and willing to give one a serve for either deserved or undeserved wrongs that one may or may not have committed. One felt it through a closed door. * RICHARD: There is no one that I know of that has no mystical background ... and I have scoured hundreds and hundreds of books during the last eighteen years. This is all very new in human history. ALAN: It remains possible that others’ experiences have been ‘translated and interpreted’, or that they simply ‘kept quiet’, because of the existing mores (and danger!). RICHARD: I think not. The courage required to effect extinction of identity is enormous ... the perceived danger from the zealots amongst the denizens of the ‘Land of Lament’ is small beer compared to that experience. Anyone too craven to face the opprobrium of their peers would be too pusillanimous to go all the way in the first place. ALAN: I know from my own experiences that I was very reluctant to discuss them (complicated by ‘my’ not admitting they had happened) until I discovered someone else who had experienced the same. RICHARD: In all fairness (and to soften what I wrote above) it was not too long ago that people were being burnt at the stake for hereticism. Thus this atavistic memory is buried in the human psyche ... Mr. Carl Jung’s ‘Collective Unconscious’. There is still at least one religion that is currently pursuing the draconian ways of suppressing dissent ... so the communal psychic memory is freshened. ALAN: So, it was not a ‘perceived danger’, it was an actual danger. RICHARD: Hmm ... this is an example of language being misused (synonyms for ‘perceive’: see, spot, observe, notice, discern, behold, espy, detect, witness, know, grasp, understand, comprehend, apprehend, make out, be cognisant of, be aware of or be conscious of). A perceived danger is an actual danger. It has devolved through popular usage into ‘that is only your perception’ meaning ‘that is only your interpretation’ or ‘that is only your opinion’. People keep on stealing words (like ‘true’ and ‘real’ and so on) and making them mean something else. Someone tried (somewhat desperately) to tell Peter in an E-Mail on the ‘sannyas-list’ a little while back: ‘That is only your fact’. ALAN: However, none of this really matters. It is an (apparent) fact that no one, throughout human history, has written of an ‘actual freedom’. RICHARD: Yes, as far as I have been able to ascertain. I would be pleased to come across such writing and delighted to meet such a person ... so as to compare notes. ALAN: I would like to pursue further the question of the ‘Collective Unconscious’. What evidence is there for its existence? RICHARD: Published reports of subjective experience. ALAN: Is it psychic? RICHARD: Yes ... all this stuff is of the psyche which comes from the affective faculty bestowed upon sentient beings as instinctual passions located at the top of the brain-stem. ALAN: There is the ‘human condition’ which, from what I have learned (mainly from you) is the generally accepted definition for what we are born with – the ‘instincts’, mainly fear and aggression, nurture and desire. Then there is the ‘human conditioning’, which is the set of morals and beliefs, which are imbibed from our parents and our peers. RICHARD: No, all sentient beings have – more or less – these basic survival instincts and animals, being unable to think and reflect upon their mortality, have not converted savagery and tenderness into ‘good’ and ‘evil’ ... they do not have values. The term ‘Human Condition’ is peculiar to the human species (and so is ‘human conditioning’) ... I describe it thus:
ALAN: So where does the ‘Collective Unconscious’ fit into this? Is it an instinct? You will also have seen mention of a ‘going with the herd’ instinct in my correspondence with Vineeto – maybe this is part of the ‘Collective Unconscious’? RICHARD: The term ‘collective unconscious’ was invented by Mr. Carl Jung to encompass all the atavistic memories, as evidenced in fables and traditions (Mr. Joseph Campbell collected a rich source of these), those bizarre and haunting and fantastical world of myths and legends that is contained in the human psyche). ALAN: Which religion are you referring to? RICHARD: Ha, nice try, Alan, nice try indeed. * RICHARD: I use the phrase ‘native intelligence’ in the meaning of ‘autochthonous acumen’ or ‘indigenous
prudence’ or ‘congenital judicity’. I am meaning a down-to-earth and matter-of-fact practicality ... an innate sensibility. The term ‘Cosmic
Intelligence’ is anthropomorphic ALAN: I think I get it (after consulting my dictionary) – it is non affective intelligence, intelligence without ‘self’ – ‘pure awareness’ as you have previously put it. RICHARD: An observation ... then recognition ... then action. It is quite simple: the human brain likes to think – just as the eyes like to see and the ears like to hear and so on – and problem-solving is what it is very good at. (When ‘I’ am no longer ‘in there’ with ‘my’ needs and shoulds and wants and desires and morals and ethics and values and principles it all happens of its own accord with remarkable sagacity). Thus in a PCE, when the ASC becomes attractive, a clouding of sensible reason can be observed and this dimming of intelligence will trigger alarm bells. ALAN: As I have been discussing with Vineeto recently, I think the most obvious danger sign is the ‘Love’ which starts up in the ‘seat of being’. RICHARD: Yes, the rudimentary and ancient animal self common to all sentient beings is the genesis of ‘being’ as an all-expansive and all-encompassing identity. That deep feeling of ‘me’ – that ‘being’ itself – is at the core of identity. It arises out of the basic instincts that blind nature endowed all human beings with as a rough and ready ‘soft-ware’ package to make a start in life. These instincts – mainly fear and aggression and nurture and desire – appear as a rudimentary self common to all sentient beings. This is why it is felt to be one’s ‘Original Face’ – to use the Zen terminology – when one accesses it in religious/ spiritual/ mystical meditation practices and disciplines. This is the source of ‘we are all one’, because ‘we’ are all the same-same blind instinctual self that stretches back beyond the dawn of human memory. It is a very, very ancient genetic memory. Hoariness does not make it automatically wise, however, despite desperate belief to the contrary.
ALAN: Is it not amazing how obvious and simple a fact is, once ‘seen’ for what it is. I was sitting in my favourite contemplative spot in the garden, this morning, pondering on what is preventing my full participation at this moment of being alive. The answer was – ‘it can only be ‘me’’. RICHARD: In a PCE it is startlingly obvious that ‘I’ have been standing in the way of the already always existing peace-on-earth all along ... it is simply self-evident and demonstrably factual. However, when one reverts back to being ‘normal’, although one can remember the purity of the actual, the experiencing of being sans identity is – alas – sadly lacking ... and all-too-often one endeavours to think or (shudder) feel one’s way to this freely available sensuous freedom. ALAN: This led on to the question ‘what am I?’ There are only two alternatives: 1) I am this flesh and blood body, only – and ‘I’ (the entity called Alan, as opposed to the physical body whom others recognise as ‘Alan’) do not actually exist, or 2) ‘I’ believe ‘I’ actually exist. From personal experience of the PCE, I know that premise (1) is not currently so for me, which left me with premise (2). RICHARD: Good, this is honesty with oneself in action ... and one has to be scrupulously honest with oneself if one is to go all the way. One cannot think or feel one’s way into this magical world – the world as-it-is in actuality – but one does need an absolute conviction that such a world exists. This conviction comes out of the pure consciousness experience ... and these peak experiences are momentary glimpses into the actual, the world of pristine perfection. To reiterate: in the PCE, it is immediately seen that ‘I’ do not actually exist. ALAN: So, if ‘I’ believe ‘I’ actually exist, ‘I’ must believe that ‘I’ came from somewhere ‘out there’ RICHARD: Why ‘out there’ ? ALAN: If ‘I’ actually exist, ‘I’ did not suddenly spring into existence – ‘I’ must have a deep rooted conviction that ‘I’ existed before birth, in some form or another, and ‘I’ will continue to exist, in some form or another, after the demise of this body. RICHARD: Okay ... let us pursue this to see where it takes us. Being born of the biologically inherited instincts genetically encoded in the germ cells of the spermatozoa and the ova, ‘I’ am – genetically – umpteen hundreds of thousands of years old ... ‘my’ origins are lost in the mists of pre-history. ‘I’ am so anciently old that ‘I’ may well have always existed ... carried along on the reproductive cell-line, over countless millennia, from generation to generation. And ‘I’ am thus passed on into an inconceivably open-ended hereditably transmissible future ALAN: I had previously investigated the belief in life after death and found it to be just that – a belief. RICHARD: A belief based on ... what? ALAN: Yet, if my reasoning was correct, I was left with the inescapable fact that ‘I’ still believe in immortality, by whatever name. RICHARD: The persistence of identity is legendary, by now, and its doggedness is because it is an instinctually-based belief ... yet it is the instinct for survival that got us here in the first place. Is one really going to abandon that which produced one ... that which keeps one alive? There is a great dare in becoming actually free of the human condition. ALAN: The adventure continues ... RICHARD: Until ‘I’ die, in fact ...
ALAN: Richard, your mail gave me much to ponder and was very useful – there is a bit of a rave in the middle of this reply, for which I make no apology, and I have not edited it (apart from spelling) as it was what I wrote at the time. I see I have another reply to No. 07 to read. I am much enjoying your discussions – some of it runs in parallel with what I am saying below. RICHARD: I do so like the capacity of the electronic Mailing List to enable anyone to read anything written by anyone ... and join in or not. What one says to one person may not hit home until one reads something similar being written to someone else ... or by someone else. And I also like living in the ’nineties (rather than the ’fourties and ’fifties) where all this is possible. What will the next decade be called ... the ’noughties? * ALAN: Is it not amazing how obvious and simple a fact is, once ‘seen’ for what it is. I was sitting in my favourite contemplative spot in the garden, this morning, pondering on what is preventing my full participation at this moment of being alive. The answer was – ‘it can only be ‘me’’. RICHARD: In a PCE it is startlingly obvious that ‘I’ have been standing in the way of the already always existing peace-on-earth all along ... it is simply self-evident and demonstrably factual. However, when one reverts back to being ‘normal’, although one can remember the purity of the actual, the experiencing of being sans identity is – alas – sadly lacking ... and all-too-often one endeavours to think or (shudder) feel one’s way to this freely available sensuous freedom. ALAN: I do not think I was trying to think (or feel) my way. In contemplating what was standing in the way of actual freedom, there was the realisation that it could only be ‘me’ though, as you say, in ‘normality’ there is no experience of being ‘sans identity’. I even find it difficult to recall that, during a PCE, the experience was that ‘‘I’ have been standing in the way of the already always existing peace-on-earth all along’. My memory is of purity and perfection and that nothing was separating me, or standing in the way of, that purity and perfection. Which may be saying the same thing. RICHARD: I have generally found that, when the direct experience (actual intimacy) of being here now (pure consciousness experiencing) diminishes and one reverts to normal, the immediacy of being this flesh and blood body only, in infinite space and eternal time as the universe’s experience of itself, vanishes completely ... and one (strangely) starts to settle for second-best. Why? * ALAN: This led on to the question ‘what am I?’ There are only two alternatives: 1) I am this flesh and blood body, only – and ‘I’ (the entity called Alan, as opposed to the physical body whom others recognise as ‘Alan’) do not actually exist, or 2) ‘I’ believe ‘I’ actually exist. From personal experience of the PCE, I know that premise (1) is not currently so for me, which left me with premise (2). RICHARD: Good, this is honesty with oneself in action ... and one has to be scrupulously honest with oneself if one is to go all the way. One cannot think or feel one’s way into this magical world – the world as-it-is in actuality – but one does need an absolute conviction that such a world exists. This conviction comes out of the pure consciousness experience ... and these peak experiences are momentary glimpses into the actual, the world of pristine perfection. To reiterate: in the PCE, it is immediately seen that ‘I’ do not actually exist. ALAN: In that case, perhaps I have not had a PCE for, as I said above, I cannot recall it being ‘immediately seen that ‘I’ do not actually exist’, only the fact that I was then fully participating in whatever was occurring and that there was no separation between me and the physical world around me. And I do not mean any metaphysical ‘I am that rock or I am that person and that person is me’. I did experience that once, which can be restated ‘I am God and you are God and we are God’. RICHARD: Going by what you have written in the past I have no doubts whatsoever that your experiences are full-blown PCE’s. Perhaps you did not ‘immediately see that ‘I’ do not actually exist’ but to be able to write what you do it is patently obvious that at those moments ‘Alan’ is not extant. My favourite description of this phenomenon comes from Grace where, in one outstanding PCE (and as soon at it became apparent) I was quick to ask her: ‘what happened to that concerned woman sitting on the couch that I was talking to just a minute ago?’ ‘Oh, her’, said Grace, without batting an eyelid, ‘she’s full of problems!’ The day proceeded famously from then on. * ALAN: So, if ‘I’ believe ‘I’ actually exist, ‘I’ must believe that ‘I’ came from somewhere ‘out there’. RICHARD: Why ‘out there’ ? ALAN: Because of what I went on to say: [Alan]: If ‘I’ actually exist, ‘I’ did not suddenly spring into existence – ‘I’ must have a deep rooted conviction that ‘I’ existed before birth, in some form or another, and ‘I’ will continue to exist, in some form or another, after the demise of this body. [endquote]. What I was attempting to say is that a belief that ‘I’ exist as an entity entails a belief that ‘I’ must have come from somewhere – ‘I’ must have a ‘soul’ (by whatever name), which existed before this body’s birth and will exist after its death. If I have a ‘soul’ it must have come from somewhere and the only place it could have come from is ‘out there’ – i.e. not here on this earth but, from heaven (by whatever name). This was what I meant by ‘Is it not amazing how obvious and simple a fact is, once ‘seen’ for what it is’. I saw that I only had the two alternatives, mentioned above, and given that (1) was not so, I was left with (2) – which entailed all the nonsense and beliefs of ‘souls’ and ‘heavens’. RICHARD: The reason why I asked ‘why ‘out there’’ was because, if anything, ‘I’ came from ‘back there’ in the biological hereditary and very earthy past (hence all the atavistic fears when one starts to break free from all the cultural mores). Why is the belief in ‘out there’ so strong (in the face of all the empirical evidence) would you say? I am genuinely interested ... I cannot find this out for myself as the instinctual connection has vanished. * RICHARD: Okay ... let us pursue this to see where it takes us. Being born of the biologically inherited instincts genetically encoded in the germ cells of the spermatozoa and the ova, ‘I’ am – genetically – umpteen hundreds of thousands of years old ... ‘my’ origins are lost in the mists of pre-history. ‘I’ am so anciently old that ‘I’ may well have always existed ... carried along on the reproductive cell-line, over countless millennia, from generation to generation. And ‘I’ am thus passed on into an inconceivably open-ended and hereditably transmissible future. ALAN: This is different to what I was saying. RICHARD: Yes ... I am pursuing a different line to what you were pursuing whilst sitting in your ‘favourite contemplative spot in the garden’ . ALAN: I agree that ‘I’, in the form of different bodies, am thousands or millions of years old. However, ‘me’ as this ‘soul’ called Alan is 47 years old. The ‘I’ which has existed for millennia in millions of different bodies is the same basic entity in each and every body – which is what you have been discussing with No. 07 (I think!). RICHARD: Yes ... this is where the ‘we are all one’ realisation stems from. ALAN: The ‘me’ which considers itself to be ‘Alan’ thinks it is individual and separate – and so we are back to the fact that ‘I’ can only ever be a lonely and separate ‘being’. RICHARD: Which is where the attraction to the Gurus and God-Men can take over ... they promise to end your individuality and separateness by reconnecting you to your roots. ALAN: Is this not fascinating? ‘I’ imagine myself to actually exist – and by that very act of imagining ‘I’ am forever doomed to a life of misery and loneliness. Yet it is a fictitious misery and loneliness – it does not actually exist. What a hoot! Now I have almost ‘got it’. I can see that ‘I’ am all that is standing in the way – and ‘I’ do not actually exist!! It is so ridiculous, it is ludicrous! All of the misery, all of the pain and sorrow do not actually exist! They are a figment of ‘my’ imagination. How amazing! And what a waste, what a shame, what a pity. All of the suffering is ‘my’ doing, ‘my’ responsibility. RICHARD: I cannot resist inserting an exchange I had some time ago on another Mailing List. Viz.:
ALAN: Ah well, it seems to be back to being ‘normal’, again. But, not quite – I can almost remember experiencing that ‘I’ was all that was standing in the way of purity and perfection and that ‘I’ did not actually exist – and I wrote about it, just above, as it was happening. The more experiences like that which happen, the more fragile is ‘my’ existence RICHARD: Yes ... experiencing beats remembering and intellectualising any day. All that I write is nothing more than an explanation of what is happening ... it is the experience that tells. ALAN: So who is it now who is doing this writing? Who is doing this thinking? RICHARD: Is it ... um ... the ‘soul’ that comes from ‘out there’ perchance? Or is it ‘me’ at the core of ‘being’ ... a ‘being’ that is born of the biologically inherited instincts genetically encoded in the germ cells of the spermatozoa and the ova? Thus ‘I’ am – genetically – umpteen hundreds of thousands of years old ... ‘my’ origins are lost in the mists of pre-history. ‘I’ am so anciently old that ‘I’ may well have always existed ... carried along on the reproductive cell-line, over countless millennia, from generation to generation. And ‘I’ am thus passed on into an inconceivably open-ended and hereditably transmissible future. ALAN: The writing and the thinking are no longer happening of their own accord – the thinker is back thinking and the writer is back writing. RICHARD: Therefore (and if I may unabashedly persist in pushing the point home) by your very own words you are saying that to you it is indeed ‘obvious that ‘I’ do not exist’ . Whether this realisation is during or just after a PCE is beside the point ... it being patently obvious is what counts. That is where confidence is born out of certainty ... rather than faith born out of conviction. ALAN: And yet there is an awareness, a joie de vivre, a knowledge that everything is actually perfect – that sorrow and malice need not exist and do not actually exist. What an adventure, what a delight – and all this sitting in an armchair, half watching athletics on the TV. This is so much fun!! This grey, damp, chilly English summer’s evening is perfect. RICHARD: Again ... this is an example of where confidence is born out of certainty (rather than believing another’s words and thus cultivating a certitude from pumped-up faith). * ALAN: It is now the next day and I can still recall the experience – not relive it, but certainly recall it. So, back to the discussion: [Alan]: I had previously investigated the belief in life after death and found it to be just that – a belief. [Richard]: A belief based on ... what? [Alan]: A belief based on the illusion that ‘I’ actually exist and, as such, must believe that ‘I’ will continue after death, as discussed above, though I can currently detect no sense of this belief. RICHARD: An illusion based on ... what? * ALAN: Yet, if my reasoning was correct, I was left with the inescapable fact that ‘I’ still believe in immortality, by whatever name. RICHARD: The persistence of identity is legendary, by now, and its doggedness is because it is an instinctually-based belief ... yet it is the instinct for survival that got us here in the first place. Is one really going to abandon that which produced one ... that which keeps one alive? There is a great dare in becoming actually free of the human condition. ALAN: Perhaps this is where one requires the altruism/self-sacrifice motive. Step 1. ‘I’ must admit (and experience) that ‘I’ am all that is standing in the way of peace on earth. Step 2. ‘I’ must have a reason to give up ‘my’ existence to allow that peace on earth to happen. RICHARD: Initially one does this for both this body and everybody ... yet the reward for going to the very end of illusion and delusion is to emerge, unscathed, as the actual. The benefits of doing so are beyond price; the immediate bestowal of universal peace upon oneself is the benefit worthiest of acknowledgment. Yet, rewards and benefits notwithstanding, to have reached one’s destiny is to be of the ultimate service possible ... the universe has been able to fulfil itself in a human being. ALAN: As we have previously discussed, ‘my’ desire to savour the purity and perfection is not sufficient motivation for ‘my’ extinction. RICHARD: Aye ... that is self-centredness operating. ALAN: ‘I’ will always believe that ‘I’ can achieve perfection – yet, I have just experienced that ‘I’ am all that is standing in the way of achieving that perfection. As you have said – ‘I’ want to savour the moment – and I know experientially that ‘I’ cannot. It’s enough to drive one certifiably insane – with a bit of luck! (or perhaps a bit of conviction). RICHARD: I have said it before and I will say it again and again: I do find it cute that a freedom from the human condition (becoming happy and harmless) is considered a severe psychotic disorder! * ALAN: The adventure continues ... RICHARD: Until ‘I’ die, in fact ... ALAN: And ‘I’ do not want to give up the adventure, so some persuasion, or altruism?, is necessary. RICHARD: Ahh ... after ‘the adventure’ is over something far, far better takes its place.
RICHARD: To be able to write what you do it is patently obvious that at those moments ‘Alan’ is not extant. My favourite description of this phenomenon comes from Grace where, in one outstanding PCE (and as soon at it became apparent) I was quick to ask her: ‘what happened to that concerned woman sitting on the couch that I was talking to just a minute ago?’ ‘Oh, her’, said Grace, without batting an eyelid, ‘she’s full of problems!’ ALAN: This, to me, is one of the most startling things in a PCE. The troubles, problems and hang-ups one had a brief moment before, vanish completely. RICHARD: Which is why I maintain that all that I write and say can be summed-up in one phrase:
ALAN: And just as, when returning to ‘normal’ after a PCE, one can only recollect the experience (as discussed below), when experiencing a PCE one can only remember that one used to have problems. It is no longer possible to experience the ‘problems’ and one wonders how one could possibly have ever been like that. RICHARD: I do not call this actual world ‘magical’ without reason! * RICHARD: I have generally found that, when the direct experience (actual intimacy) of being here now (pure consciousness experiencing) diminishes and one reverts to normal, the immediacy of being this flesh and blood body only in infinite space and eternal time as the universe’s experience of itself, vanishes completely ... and one (strangely) starts to settle for second-best. Why? ALAN: Good question. You are correct in saying that ‘it’ vanishes completely. The only reason can be that ‘I’ resume the controls. At this moment I have only a recollection of what a PCE is. ‘I’ do not believe that it actually exists – because ‘I’ cannot experience it. So for ‘me’ it is not ‘second best’ – it is the best there is. RICHARD: Yes, a virtual freedom is not to be sneezed at ... the wide and wondrous path to actual freedom is a win/win situation. Just like the spiritual path there is a glittering prize at the end ... yet here the similarity ends. With actualism one gains measurably along the way ... if actual freedom remains ever-elusive one winds up way ahead of normal human expectations. ALAN: Just yesterday, I had the thought ‘Why do you want any more?’ – I no longer experience anger, frustration, jealousy or any of the other ‘bad’ emotions (and not many of the ‘good’ ones either). RICHARD: If one were to proceed no further, one would have already achieved what a ‘normal’ person deems improbable. It cannot be stressed too much how highly desirable virtual freedom is. Any society based on pure intent, with its citizens living in virtual freedom, would be so superior to the current communities, that are based upon morality and control, that a virtual peace on earth would be most likely to be the over-all state of affairs. Although actual sagacity lies only in the ultimate condition, the wide and wondrous wisdom is sufficient to ensure that the optimum relative peace and prosperity prevails ... because virtual freedom, borne upon pure intent, does away with the need for control. One is, in effect, free enough to live life in an abundantly successful way. ALAN: Was this not enough? Was it not better to enjoy this life as ‘Alan’, the personality, than risk all on an unknown future? RICHARD: I can recall the ‘Richard’ that was considering this very question ... yet ‘he’ just knew that ‘he’ would not be able to look in the mirror of a morning if ‘he’ did not proceed. Is it is an admixture of pride and dignity, perhaps? ALAN: Yet, the knowledge of what is possible – even if only a recollection of the PCE – is sufficient to make ‘me’ continue reading, writing and exploring. RICHARD: Not to mention all the wars and murders and rapes and tortures and domestic violence and child abuse and sadness and loneliness and grief and depression and suicides ... if peoples were not harming themselves and each other in the most grisly ways possible then this would all be but a game. Peoples play ‘for keeps’ in the real world ... it is not fun. ALAN: It is, indeed, a strange state of affairs. RICHARD: It is ‘strange’ to the point of being bizarre ... weird, uncanny, eerie. ALAN: Am ‘I’ going to continue, in the knowledge that the end result is ‘my’ demise. Or, am ‘I’ going to give up and settle for ‘second best’. Perhaps this is where ‘pure intent’ comes in. It is not a phrase I have been entirely comfortable with or, rather, completely understood. RICHARD: Pure intent is derived from the purity of the PCE (which is when ‘I’
spontaneously cease to ‘be’) and everything is experienced to be perfect as-it-is at this moment and place ... here and now. Diligent attention
paid to the peak experience gives rise to pure intent and with pure intent running as a ‘golden thread’ through one’s life, reflective
contemplation about being here doing this business called being alive rapidly becomes more and more fascinating. When one is totally fascinated,
reflective contemplation becomes pure awareness ... and then apperception It is the quality of pure intent which pulls one forward with impunity ... pure intent transforms into action one’s determination to live a life full of gladness, peace and harmony with oneself, with a person of the other gender, and with all peoples. Pure intent produces total dedication – it is experienced as an irresistible enticement – and it makes it impossible not to do what is required (or to sweep an issue under the carpet and to let sleeping dogs lie) and to continue to conform to the long-failed dictates of the status-quo. Pure intent is not to be confused with being a ‘do-gooder’, or being full of ‘righteousness’, or being ‘moralistic’ or being ‘principled’. Pure intent is the quality that encompasses what morals and ethics aspire to but never reach. Pure intent is a manifest life-force; a genuinely occurring stream of benevolence and benignity that originates in the perfect and vast stillness that is the essential character of the infinitude of the universe. Freed by pure intent from the very necessary social constraints – designed to control a wayward ego and a compliant soul – one can have generosity of character without striving. Pure intent guides one in each and every situation and circumstance – it is an essential prerequisite to ensure a guaranteed passage through the psychic maze – until the primacy of ‘me’ as a psychological or psychic entity withers away. With pure intent one will not rest until one has gone all the way. ALAN: Perhaps it is this ‘pure intent’ which keeps ‘me’ going, which insists that it ‘ain’t over till the fat lady sings’, which is the knowledge that this is not perfection, and perfection is possible. RICHARD: Perfection is an actual condition – intrinsic to this universe – that a human being can tap into by pure
intent. Pure intent can be activated again and again with sincere attention paid to the state of naiveté Inevitably the moment comes ... and ‘I’ am nevermore. * ALAN: So, if ‘I’ believe ‘I’ actually exist, ‘I’ must believe that ‘I’ came from somewhere ‘out there’. RICHARD: If anything ‘I’ came from ‘back there’ in the biological hereditary and very earthy past (hence all the atavistic fears when one starts to break free from all the cultural mores). Why is the belief in ‘out there’ so strong (in the face of all the empirical evidence) would you say? I am genuinely interested ... I cannot find this out for myself as the instinctual connection has vanished. ALAN: O.K. let’s have a go. What I was pursuing was an intellectual exploration and logical examination of the facts surrounding the belief that ‘I’ actually exist, which led me to the conclusion that, if ‘I’ do actually exist, ‘I’ must have come from ‘somewhere’. I (wrongly) jumped to the commonly accepted belief that ‘I’ must have come from ‘out there’. I now understand what you are saying and agree wholeheartedly – I came from ‘‘back there’ in the biological hereditary and very earthy past’. ‘I’ have always existed (or for a very long time, anyway) and will always exist (unless humanity comes to its senses – literally), though not of course as this body called Alan. Blindingly obvious, in fact! RICHARD: Is it not amazing how obvious – and how simple – all this is? Peoples have been unnecessarily complicating what is a rather straight-forward biological issue, when all is said and done. ALAN: But, to accept this as a fact, it is necessary to accept that ‘I’ do not actually exist – the person (as opposed to the body) called ‘Alan’ is not a separate individual – and ‘my’ world falls apart – all ‘I’ am is these biologically inherited instincts. RICHARD: Nothing more and nothing less ... except imagination and illusion leading to fantasy and delusion. ALAN: Which puts me in mind of a line from a Moody Blues song – ‘I’m more than that, I know I am – at least, I think I must be’. Only one mistake in that line – it should be ‘believe’, not ‘think’. RICHARD: It is amazing how humble one can be about ‘knowing’ that one is god-on-earth! ALAN: Similarly it should be ‘I believe, therefore I am’. RICHARD: Yea verily ... Mr. René Descartes’ bequest lives on to this present day. I had an edifying correspondence
with someone (supposedly with a University degree in Philosophy) on another Mailing List some time ago. ALAN: If ‘I’ do not believe ‘I’ actually exist, then ‘I’ will not exist. ‘I’ have to believe in ‘my’ existence, otherwise what am I left with. And what is there to be afraid of? If ‘I’ do not actually exist – and it is only ‘me’ who feels fear – then fear does not actually exist. None of it actually exists – Wow. So, I have not got far on answering your question – except to say ‘I’ have to believe in ‘out there’. If ‘I’ do not, I have to accept that ‘I’ do not actually exist. RICHARD: Hmm ... I guess I was rather expectant that you may be able to experience the atavistic reality of coming from ‘back there’, once the belief in ‘out there’ disappeared, and personally verify what Mr. Joseph LeDoux’s empirical data is demonstrating. It may also have the effect of applying some ‘back pressure’ when the enticement of the PCE wanes. * ALAN: An aside to write of the outstanding PCE I have just had while it is fresh: it only lasted a few minutes and was occasioned by reading the next few paragraphs and deciding what to reply. I was contemplating that what you wrote was correct – ‘‘my’ origins are lost in the mists of pre-history’ and suddenly ‘got it’. ‘I’ only imagine that ‘I’ began existence with this body. ‘I’ have never actually existed, do not actually exist and will never actually exist. WHAMMM!!! As in every PCE, everything was immediately clear and obvious, life was perfect, amazing and full of wonder. Then, intense pressure at the base of the skull – like nothing I have ever experienced before. A flash of dread. A knowledge that this was to be the death of ‘me’. A realisation that this was the moment and there was nothing to fear as it was only ‘me’ feeling fear and fear did not actually exist. I let go of the controls!!! Shaking so much I can hardly write. Fear and excitement. Riding the wave. What an adventure. And Richard is correct – altruism is necessary. ‘I’ cannot do this thing or rather ‘I’ cannot will this thing. It has to be ‘my’ sacrifice for the whole of humanity. It is the only thing ‘I’ can do. ‘I have no choice. The seeing that ‘I’ am ‘my’ instincts and therefore responsible for all of the suffering is too, too much for ‘me’ to bear. And then ... ‘I’ copped out. Obviously ‘I’ want to remain in existence a bit longer! RICHARD: I can recall the ‘Richard’ that was getting chicken-feet at the crucial moment and desiring to return to the familiar and comfortable ... except that when ‘he’ did regain normality ‘he’ regretted not taking advantage of the opportunity presented. Accordingly, the next in PCE ‘he’ went a little further – pushing the envelope – before backing-off once again. Eventually one gets to the point where courage (or the lack thereof) is no longer applicable. Then one is just doing it, anyway, irregardless of the imagined dangers inherent. ALAN: And all of this sitting at the kitchen table!! This is obviously the way to go. As I write this there is a knowledge, a certainty, that ‘I’ am going to ‘give up’ – whether it be hours, days or months. Ah well, that is the end of that little adventure, for the moment anyway – and all I’m left with is ... a pain in the neck. The sensation was, and is, as though there is an unused muscle there, very stiff and it hurts a bit to use it. I cannot describe the sensation I felt. You describe it as ‘something turning over’. Well it has not ‘turned over’ yet but it moved a hell of a lot. If I had stuck with it an instant longer, that would have been it – next time, no cop outs!! RICHARD: It is important to be friends with oneself ... no berating oneself for ‘chickening-out’ (because, as you said above, ‘it is, indeed, a strange state of affairs’). * ALAN: The adventure continues ... RICHARD: Until ‘I’ die, in fact ... ALAN: And ‘I’ do not want to give up the adventure, so some persuasion, or altruism?, is necessary. RICHARD: Ahh ... after ‘the adventure’ is over something far, far better takes its place. ALAN: What? RICHARD: First, there is the not-so-little matter of seducing one’s fellow human being into being happy and harmless – when it does not really matter whether anyone else becomes free of the human condition or not – and in this there is a thrill that is not of fear (because of a familiarity that knows naught of sorrow and malice). But it is the on-going experiencing of the purity of the perfection of the infinitude of this wondrous universe – an experiencing that defies all the odds – which is truly magical. Being intimately here at this place in infinite space, right now at this moment in eternal time, is such an adventure in itself that it makes what ‘I’ did all those years ago pale into insignificance. There is so much more to life than the process of becoming free ... even though that is the journey of a lifetime in itself. Let alone doing something so commonplace as that which normally constitutes ‘an adventure’, for those antics amount to nothing but silly risk-taking for the sake of unconvincing adrenaline rush. What I am saying is that whatever I do is an amazing escapade.
CORRESPONDENT: Alan (Part Three) RETURN TO THE ACTUAL FREEDOM MAILING LIST INDEX RETURN TO RICHARD’S CORRESPONDENCE INDEX The Third Alternative (Peace On Earth In This Life Time As This Flesh And Blood Body) Here is an actual freedom from the Human Condition, surpassing Spiritual Enlightenment and any other Altered State Of Consciousness, and challenging all philosophy, psychiatry, metaphysics (including quantum physics with its mystic cosmogony), anthropology, sociology ... and any religion along with its paranormal theology. Discarding all of the beliefs that have held humankind in thralldom for aeons, the way has now been discovered that cuts through the ‘Tried and True’ and enables anyone to be, for the first time, a fully free and autonomous individual living in utter peace and tranquillity, beholden to no-one.
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