November 14 2024

JOSEF: This is amazing and answers a lot of questions I’ve had over the years, thank you! So is there an additional step to feeling good after you’ve stopped feeding the feeling? Is it the backing out of habitual emotional patterns that facilitates feeling good? I’ve noticed sometimes that this is usually enough to get me to neutral, and then feeling good becomes a “oh of course!” kind of thing. Sometimes though, I will remain in neutral. Perhaps that’s a sign that I’m still stuck in another emotional pattern. But instead I’ll try to push myself from neutral to feeling good and this usually backfires.

VINEETO: Hi Josef,

Ok, one obstacle is removed, a bad habit which you identified and declined to repeat, well done. Have you patted yourself on the back for it? Is there another feeling-bad habit still lurking behind the first?

Yes there is, the habit to push yourself!

To understand this habitual pattern and stop feeding it, you need to grasp that ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feeling are ‘me’ – ‘your’ feelings are not something out there removed from ‘you’ that can be pushed into a different position like chess figures.

Here Richard, or rather his co-respondent explains this in detail –

RESPONDENT: ... incidentally, Richard, how can they be ‘an hereditary occurrence’ and be of my choosing at the same time?

RICHARD: You do comprehend that you are your feelings/ your feelings are you (‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings are ‘me’) do you not? Viz.:

• [Respondent]: ‘It has taken me a hell of a long time to understand the difference between *having* feelings and *being* those feelings. Because I have not clearly understood this, I’ve never quite got the hang of paying attention to feelings without praise or blame, and without notions of innocence and culpability, right and wrong, etc getting in the way.

This makes things very interesting. The moment I regard my ‘self’ as ‘having’ a feeling, I’m split down the middle and there’s a secondary reaction on the part of the social identity (an urge to “do something” about the feeling, which in turn evokes more feelings, and so on). Conversely, if I recognise that I *am* the feeling, it most often dissolves into thin air – and usually pretty quickly too.

This is great. It’s especially helpful with regard to anger and frustration which have been two of my biggest hurdles to date. Previously, when I caught myself being angry, annoyed or frustrated, identifying and paying attention to this feeling would NOT cause it to disappear. On the contrary, the feeling and the awareness of myself as ‘having’ it would sometimes become like a microphone and amplifier locked into a screaming feedback loop.

I’m really pleased that this is no longer happening. It seems almost too easy’. [emphasis in original]. (Thursday 28/10/2004 6:55 PM AEST).

And again there is a reference to how ‘almost too easy’ actualism is. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 60g, 30 October 2005a).

The funny aspect is, as Kuba so perspicaciously pointed out, that humans seem to have no problem feeling bad or sad feelings but when it comes to changing their mood to the felicitous feelings, dissociation sets in. And as Richard pointed out in the paragraph before the quoted one, victim mentality can play its part –

Richard: “(having a victim mentality, it turned out, ran much deeper than the singular mentation such nomenclature indicates).”

Dissociating oneself from oneself can be quite an ingrained habit and it is well worth to establish a habitual affective attentiveness to be able to catch it/decline it when it is happening.

Cheers Vineeto

March 30 2025

VINEETO: Hi Andrew,

You just took the wrong turn-off – here is the sign, just like at all wrong entries on Australian high-ways: “Wrong Way, TURN BACK”.

Without the pure intent to be happy and harmless there is no way you can give yourself a categorically overarching permission for “forsaking all other directives, missives, constitutions, allotments, franchises, contracts, agreements, treaties, implied or otherwise.” This is not “audacity”, this is plainly your “subversive tendency” taking back command.

Please, first find out experientially about pure intent before being guided by “audacity” and other fool-hardy actions. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Andrew, 28 March 2025)

JOSEF: Hi Vineeto,

I have to admit this reply surprised me quite a bit. It seems to me like you are trying to “gate keep” feeling good somehow. I thought Andrew was spot on here as it’s the approach I have also been following recently with decent success. Too often in the real world we are so prone to feeling bad for even the smallest reason. This audacity he mentions seems like exactly what is needed to feel good “come what may”.

VINEETO: Hi Josef,

The reason I answered Andrew in such categorical terms is because he expressed his intent in categorical terms –

Andrew: The audacity to feel good all the time, come what may!!!

Nice. Very nice indeed. Now that’s something I can channel my subversive tendency towards!

Andrew: So I hereby give myself permission to feel good, happy & harmless, in all circumstances, come what may.
Over-riding all socially prescribed appropriate moods, reactions, and expectations.

An executive order, unilaterally executed, with no power of veto granted to any party, circumstance, or condition.

Rain, hail or shine, in sickness and in health, forsaking all other directives, missives, constitutions, allotments, franchises, contracts, agreements, treaties, implied or otherwise.[Emphases added].

I emphasized the categorical aspects in Andrew’s permission to himself, so you might better understand my reply. As Claudiu pointed out already, the social conditioning (conscience) is largely in place to curb the excesses of the genetically endowed instinctual passions from running amok. One does indeed need at least the intent to be both happy and harmless, i.e. feeling good and being considerate towards one’s fellow human beings to make the actualism method work and to whittle away any and all emotion, belief, principle, worldview and so on, which stand in the way of being happy and harmless.

JOSEF: I think (correct me if I’m wrong) you’re trying to highlight the harmless part of the equation. That being happy without being harmless can come with causing harm to others for the sake of your own happiness?

VINEETO: Yes, you are correct. In the beginning one’s attempt to feel good and be happy can be misconstrued as licentiousness and self-indulgence. If one only has the aim to just feel a little better whilst staying firmly ensconced in the human condition, the large variety of self-help books and consultants would be sufficient.

JOSEF: Even if pure intent was not present, the prescription of feeling good come what may could lift the majority of the population out of the seriousness and despair that plagues the real world.

VINEETO: “The prescription of feeling good come what may” is an invitation to utterly disregard everyone else but ‘me’, the passionate identity, to follow their instincts of fear, aggression, nurture and desire. How does this “prescription” “lift the majority of the population out of the seriousness and despair”? “The prescription of feeling good come what may” is more accurately described as the law of the jungle where not no socialisation is curbing the basic instinctual survival passions.

I am not saying that this is what you had in mind when you wrote what you did, but it is nevertheless vital to carefully think through your prescription and consider the consequences of what you are proposing for “the majority of the population”.

Here is the third alternative to being selfishly following feeling good regardless and living in “seriousness and despair” as you put it –

Richard: The actualism method (‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive’) is a method specifically designed to bring about a direct experience of the actual ... the question is asked, each moment again, until it becomes an automatic approach to life or a wordless attitude to living. Initially it will be seen that how one is experiencing this moment is usually via a feeling or a belief (sometimes cunningly disguised as a ‘truth’) – and a belief is an emotion-backed thought anyway – thus effectively blocking the ‘direct sense experience’. And for as long as one is experiencing this moment through a feeling – no matter how deep or profound the feeling may be – one is cutting oneself off from the splendour of the actual.

There is an unimaginable and inconceivable purity right here at this place in infinite space just now at this moment in eternal time which far exceeds the most deepest, the most profound feeling of beauty (or love) – the actual is magnificent beyond ‘my’ wildest dreams and schemes – and this moment and this place is an ever-present ‘jumping-in’ point, as it were ... however it does mean the end of ‘me’ at the core of ‘my’ being (which is ‘being’ itself).

This is because ‘I’ am ‘my’ feelings and ‘my’ feelings’ are ‘me’. [Emphases added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27a, 15 January 2002)

And –

Richard: When one minimises the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings (through running the question ‘how am I experiencing this moment of being alive’) the affective energy is thus freed-up to power the felicitous/ innocuous feelings (happiness, delight, joie de vivre/ bonhomie, friendliness, amiability and so on) which, in conjunction with sensuousness (delectation, enjoyment, appreciation, relish, zest, gusto and so on), can ensue as a sense of amazement, marvel and wonder ... which can, in turn, result in apperceptiveness. [Emphasis added]. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27a, 18 May 2002)

As you can see, Richard starts with the intent “to bring about a direct experience of the actual” by imitating the actual. The overarching intent is to experience life free from the dominance of the ‘I’/ ‘me’ as much and as often as possible. This is achieved by applying the actualism method: “one minimises the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ feelings”.

If one only has the aim to just feel a little better whilst staying firmly ensconced in the human condition, the large variety of self-help books and consultants would be sufficient.

And this explained what to do in detail –

RESPONDENT: Are you talking about not ‘taking out’ our emotions on others?

RICHARD: Yes, but not only on ‘others’ ... taking it out upon oneself happens all too often (children are taught to castigate and/or commiserate themselves so as to inculcate a conscience).

RESPONDENT: Not releasing emotion through the body somehow?

RICHARD: Yes ... not having it pump chemicals through the body irregardless whether someone else is present or not.

RESPONDENT: Also specifically which emotions are advantageous to ‘not express’?

RICHARD: All and any emotion ... I oft-times would say to people twenty one years ago when I first put this into practice was that emotions are life’s way of reminding oneself that one has gone astray (that one has wandered off the wide and wondrous path to an actual freedom from the human condition).

An emotion is like a warning buzzer ... or a flashing red light.

RESPONDENT: Can this be done in one fell swoop – or would it be done by ‘whittling’ away emotion?

RICHARD: Whittling. It took me about six weeks, as far as I can remember, to whittle away the obvious or major emotions ... the less obvious or minor ones took far longer. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27a, 24 January 2002)

Does this make it more clear for you?

Cheers Vineeto

March 30 2025

CLAUDIU: If Andrew goes ahead with his unilateral command to effectively do whatever he (self-centrically) wants without regards to any consequences and without the capacity for anybody else to do anything whatsoever to change his mind about any of it, without pure intent in place… the effect will most likely be for that “wayward self” to … go wayward.

JOSEF: I don’t think that’s what he said at all. He said he would give himself permission to feel good, happy & harmless unilaterally. I don’t see any mention of doing whatever he wants (self-centrically) without consideration for anyone else.

And even in practice, I have found that the actualism feeling good (not good feelings), is so blithesome and benign in its nature that it is always accompanied by harmlessness. If it’s not, usually there is some good feeling (like greed, or power, or pride) that is tainting the feeling good.

VINEETO: Hi Josef,

I am pleased to read you know by experience that “the actualism feeling good” needs to include being harmless in order to be untainted by “greed, or power, or pride”. Perhaps you simply assumed that Andrew would experience it the same way? In fact, this is what feeling being Vineeto expressed as well –

‘VINEETO’: The reason I said that there is a remarkable difference between *feeling* harmless and actually being harmless is because it is easy to assess one’s happiness by checking if I am feeling happy whereas many people may feel themselves to be harmless when they are not experiencing feelings of aggression or anger against somebody. Yet they are nevertheless causing harm via their thoughtless ‘self’-oriented instinctual feelings and actions, something that all human beings are prone to do unless they become fully aware of their instinctual passions *before* these translate into vibes and/or actions.

It was about a year into my process of actualism when I became aware of how much my outlook on the world and on people had changed in that my cloak of myopic ‘self’-centredness began to lift and I no longer saw the world only ‘my’ way and my judgments and actions no longer revolved around ‘my’ interests, ‘my’ beliefs, ‘my’ ideas, ‘my’ ideals, ‘my’ fears, ‘my’ desires and ‘my’ aversions. Consequently I have learnt to judge harmlessness by the amount of parity and consideration I apply to others whom I come in contact with, both at work and at play, and not by merely feeling myself to be harmless.

TARIN: Can you say more about this? I usually feel harmless but have been thinking lately that I somehow still do harm simply by not paying attention and applying parity and consideration to others with whom I come into contact. How did you do this more and more? And how did you notice that you’re still harming someone even if you don’t have feelings of anger or aggression or the like? And how do you know it’s you harming them? Can you give a few examples? I’m finding it possible to consider this matter more now that I’m happier as its given me breathing room to be less self-centred, but it’s a pretty new subject to me. What keeps your mind on being considerate? Is it just a close scrutiny on the feelings and passions that arise? Are you more perceptive of others because the feelings and passions that are now arising are diminished so you’re naturally more attentive to other things as well, like what’s going on with other people?

‘VINEETO’: Sure. When I met Peter I was full of good intentions to make our living together work, i.e. to be as happy and peaceful as possible, but I had continuous clashes of opinion with him, frustrations of foiled expectation, hurt feelings and revenge of hurtful remarks. I realized that in order to be able live with Peter in peace and harmony I had to sort out a lot – my beliefs, my ‘truths’, my loyalties, my gender ideas, my problems with authority and all other sorts of feelings.

I remember well the first evening when I looked at Peter and saw him as just another human being – not as a partner, a mate, a member of the other gender, a lover, a sexual object, a valuable addition to my circle of friends, and not as someone who would approve or disapprove of me – simple another fellow human being. Suddenly the separation I felt was gone and there was a delicious intimacy, as ‘I’ was no longer attempting to force him to fit into ‘my’ world.

I was astounded and shocked by this experience, being outside of my so familiar ‘self’-centred and ‘self-oriented skin, because I realized that never before, not once in our 3-months acquaintance, had I been able, or even interested, to see him as a person in his own right. I was shocked at how all of my perception and consequently all of my interactions were driven by what *I* wanted, what *I* expected and what *I* believed him to be and how much I was therefore constantly at odds with how he actually was. From then on I paid as much attention as possible to become aware of situations when my feelings, beliefs, expectations and general attitude were standing in the way of recognizing another person, first Peter and later anyone I came in contact with, as equal fellow human beings, as persons in their own right, who live their own life, follow their own goals and aspirations, have their own preferences and tastes, and also, have their own set of morals, ethics and beliefs.

The reason I am telling this story is because this experience was the beginning of a slow and wide-ranging realization that as long as I live in ‘my’ world – made up of ‘my’ worldview, ‘my’ beliefs, opinions, feelings and survival passions – I cannot help but struggle to fit everyone into ‘my’ world, as actors on the stage of ‘my’ play, so to speak, as family and aliens, as friends and enemies, as ‘good people and ‘bad’ people. And not only am ‘I’ busy trying to do this, everyone else – all six billion of us – are equally struggling to fit everyone into ‘their’ world.

It then comes as no surprise that being actually harmless is out of the question – until ‘I’ more and more leave centre-stage, stop resenting being here, stop being stressed, take myself less seriously, take notice of other people the way they are and start enjoying life. (Actualism, Vineeto, Selected Correspondence, Harmless).

CLAUDIU: Pure intent will ensure that sensibility will prevail (…)

JOSEF: Again, the feeling good come what may that I’ve been having success with recently has a lack of malice as a quality, so consideration for others is also a part of it.

CLAUDIU: I don’t think this is really a very high bar, (…)

JOSEF: This is why I called it gatekeeping.

VINEETO: Knowing the human condition as well as I do (having experienced as a feeling being the full extent of ‘I’ am humanity and humanity is ‘me’) I am much more careful to make a-priory assumptions.

As is now the second time that you used the word “gatekeeping” I wonder if there is perhaps an emotional issue/ investment for you such as frustration that you have trouble to experience a PCE or a resentment against authority? So that this post doesn’t get too long, I simply refer you to a link, if you discover that this is the case. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Basic to Full Freedom, #Authority).

You have stated yourself you discovered that to be genuinely feeling good requires “a lack of malice as a quality, so consideration for others is also a part of it”. This is excellent. It seems to me that a sincere intent is operating for you in regards of enjoyment and appreciation. Richard’s warning (and mine), what you call “gatekeeping”, is specifically designed regarding the inculcated rules of society which curb the excess of the instinctual passions, i.e. the “wayward self”.

In the absence of the experience of the overarching stream of benignity and benevolence originating – not in ‘your’ fears and desires but outside the human condition – in the vast and utter stillness of the universe, the socialized conscience and principles of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ cannot be safely whittled away – you would harm both yourself and others following only ‘your’ self-centric guide.

JOSEF: I don’t have pure intent if the strict definition is that is has to be born of a PCE. I don’t have a good memory of a PCE. But I do have the intent that I don’t ever want to feel miserable again. That I want to be in a good mood each and every moment again. I’ve seen how beneficial it is for myself and others when I am feeling good. But should I not start on this path unless I meet the strict definition of having pure intent?

VINEETO: Here is what you wrote in October 2022 as the first entry of your journal –

Josef: I had what I think is a PCE yesterday while on a high dosage edible. I was just sitting on the couch, and suddenly the inside of my house began to look completely different. It was as if I was seeing everything for the first time again. There was very little affect, and I noticed that while I could think, the thoughts were disjointed from “me”. There was a very high level of sensuous appreciation. But the key aspect for me was time. Past and future were completely gone and it felt like I could stay in this moment forever. That there was nothing else. Again, very very little affect, but I’m reluctant to say a complete absence because I was also pretty intoxicated and hence a little confused.

It was a new way of experiencing entirely, and it was very pure and I would say close to perfect. It was the same world but like a different one within that same one. Like a veneer being pulled back.

Does this experience perhaps give you a clue why you are able to recognize that genuinely feeling good requires “a lack of malice as a quality”, and “consideration for others”?

It is the source of your intent which defines the quality of ‘feeling good’ and informs you which one is genuine and which one is dictated by the “wayward self”. As long as you pay attention to this qualitative difference of your intent and rememorate the distinct flavour of this “new way of experiencing” you had during the PCE, you are precisely acting according to Richard’s warning.

Cheers Vineeto

April 4 2025

VINEETO: As is now the second time that you used the word “gatekeeping” I wonder if there is perhaps an emotional issue/ investment for you such as frustration that you have trouble to experience a PCE or a resentment against authority? So that this post doesn’t get too long, I simply refer you to a link, if you discover that this is the case. (Actualism, ActualVineeto, Basic to Full Freedom, #Authority).

JOSEF: Yes, I am frustrated that I haven’t been able to have a PCE after the one you linked later on in the post. This was a drug-induced PCE, so for me it doesn’t feel “solid” or “clean” and I seriously doubt its veracity.

VINEETO: Hi Josef,

I appreciate your reply.

The feeling of frustration falls in the category of resentment, and anger, and is certainly interfering with feeling good. I perfectly understand from ‘Vineeto’s’ experience how it feels and why it is happening but it is nevertheless an emotional occurrence that is advisable to not only to look at but to do away with altogether (resentment against, or blaming anything or anyone (including yourself) for apparently standing in the way of what ‘you’ want).

Richard: What I have observed over many years is that a normal person has a propensity to blame – to find fault rather than to find causes – when it comes to dealing with the human condition ... if for no other reason than that finding the cause means the end of ‘me’ (or the beginning of the end of ‘me’).

Whereas endlessly repeating mea culpa keeps ‘me’ in existence. (Richard, Actual Freedom List, No. 27c, 9 September 2002).

You see, when you understand resentment this way, as a complaint/ blame to divert attention from ‘you’ (the only person you can change), then it may be easier to see that it is silly to maintain this automatic reaction/ habit. Focussing the attention to where it belongs, the fact of being resentment, at the time of experiencing it, the very attention allows you to be felicitous instead (it’s often not even a decision but a natural consequence, just as you stop wiggling your toes the moment you become aware of it).

*

VINEETO: Does this experience perhaps give you a clue why you are able to recognize that genuinely feeling good requires “a lack of malice as a quality”, and “consideration for others”?
It is the source of your intent which defines the quality of ‘feeling good’ and informs you which one is genuine and which one is dictated by the “wayward self”. As long as you pay attention to this qualitative difference of your intent and rememorate the distinct flavour of this “new way of experiencing” you had during the PCE, you are precisely acting according to Richard’s warning.

JOSEF: I am able to recognize feeling good, but it’s not from that PCE. I would say it’s from the few EEs and numerous times I’ve felt good/great. I wonder if this is enough?

VINEETO: It’s good to hear that you had a few excellence experiences which inform you of what is possible and the direction which you are aiming at. There were also enough clues in your description of “that PCE” to indicate that it was genuine – such as “it was as if I was seeing everything for the first time again” and “there was a very high level of sensuous appreciation. But the key aspect for me was time. Past and future were completely gone and it felt like I could stay in this moment forever.” And specifically this one: “It was a new way of experiencing entirely, and it was very pure and I would say close to perfect. It was the same world but like a different one within that same one. Like a veneer being pulled back.”

It could be that when you say today, almost three years after the PCE, that “it doesn’t feel ”solid“ or ”clean“ and I seriously doubt its veracity”, this interpretation may well be from ‘me’ having taken over full control again over your memory of the PCE.

So, if you are able to re-vivify the flavour of this experience it might help you to more reliably and puissantly connect to pure intent. In the meantime you can rely on the memory of your EEs – but second best is never “enough” when you aim for perfection, isn’t it?

Claudiu and myself have updated the Library page on Pure Intent with more specific details that you might find informative.

Cheers Vineeto

April 5 2025

VINEETO: You see, when you understand resentment this way, as a complaint/ blame to divert attention from ‘you’ (the only person you can change), then it may be easier to see that it is silly to maintain this automatic reaction/ habit. Focussing the attention to where it belongs, the fact of being resentment, at the time of experiencing it, the very attention allows you to be felicitous instead (it’s often not even a decision but a natural consequence, just as you stop wiggling your toes the moment you become aware of it).

Then, feeling good, you can check what is behind or underneath the frustration – perhaps impatience, or perhaps the conviction it’s your right to have a PCE now because …, or any other ‘self’-generated belief, attitude or principle. And it could be this very resentment standing in the way of allowing a PCE to happen. (see also How do I Induce a PCE and Delightment).

JOSEF: Yes, I am starting to focus on this resentment and tackle it. It’s not just about this PCE, but I can see that my general approach to life is also filled with resentment. I’m mired in a world of “shoulds”; things that I have to do rather want to do. I view work like this, as well as most things besides anything that has quick gratification (e.g. playing video games, eating delicious food).

VINEETO: Hi Josef,

This is a great description of resentment if there ever was. However, you cannot ‘get rid’ of resentment by rejection of having one emotion and choose having another like changing black chess-pieces with white ones.

Now that you acknowledged that you experience resentment, the first thing is to stop fighting it and stop blaming yourself as well. Any battle against yourself only fuels the feelings by increasing the power of ‘you’ to make you feel bad. Personally, feeling being ‘Vineeto’ found that the moment she stopped fighting the feeling (i.e. by objecting to it), it instantly diminished. Then you can more easily get back to feeling good and from this vantage point contemplate for instance what Claudiu wrote to you and what other habitual attitudes will be worth paying attention to, so that this resentment is no longer dominating your mood/ your life. Doing this, each time you notice resentment creeping in, you have a much better chance of enjoying what you are doing (yes, even working for sustaining yourself) and appreciating this moment of being alive. It also helps to put everything on a preference basis –

Richard: I did everything possible that ‘I’ could do to blatantly imitate the actual in that ‘I’ endeavoured to be happy and harmless for as much as is humanly possible. This was achieved by putting everything on a ‘it doesn’t really matter’ basis. That is, ‘I’ would prefer people, things and events to be a particular way, but if it did not turn out like that ... it did not really matter for it was only a preference. ‘I’ chose to no longer give other people – or the weather – the power to make ‘me’ angry ... or even irritated ... or even peeved. (Richard, List B, No. 12a, 16 July 1998)

JOSEF: Seems like I’m being dragged around by my life rather directing it. I desire the opposite. I want to be here, to enjoy living in this moment. But it’s clear to me that that is not what I am being at all. Even the specifics of my life don’t seem to matter much, as this attitude is all encompassing and will use anything undesirable as an excuse to fuel the resentment of being alive.

VINEETO: You say you are being “dragged around by my life” when in fact you are dragged around by your feelings (like most people are). The difference to most people is that you have the opportunity to pay diligent attention to whichever feelings prevent you from feeling good, from being happy and harmless, and this very attention and awareness of being the feeling allows you to choose to being a different affective experience. It is important not to keep your undesired feelings at arms length but to acknowledge that this is who you are as a feeling being. This very awareness that you are your feelings allows you to choose to be the felicitous feelings instead.

When you say I don’t want to be resentful – “I desire the opposite. I want to be here, to enjoy living in this moment” you are misunderstanding what being happy and enjoying living means. Being (unconditionally) happy is what happens when there are no obstacles in the way for being happy. Just watch young children. They are happy and full of energy – unless something is amiss. As soon as parents fix/ provide what is amiss (change diapers, provide food, plaster on the scratched knee, etc.) their good mood returns. You can do the same – pay attention to what you experience affectively and then decline/ dissolve the obstacles to feeling good and feeling good returns. Then you take note of the trigger which brought up the obstacle in the first place and sort it out, so it won’t interfere with your feeling good at the next occasion.

JOSEF: Seeing all of this has been a breath of fresh air and has lifted my cynicism a little, even though I have only scratched the surface. I’m not sure when it became like this, as I was quite a happy kid. But between job responsibilities (I view work as something I am forced to do; I resent working to live), I somehow became a real downer. The sun is shining again. 

VINEETO: This breath of fresh air is excellent – so you are looking in the right direction. Happy kids become serious adults and have to re-discover their joy of life and naiveté again. Investigate your cynicism and your victim/ entitlement mentality that someone else owes you a living (“I resent working to live”) and see how ultimately silly and self-destructive it is.

Become “a happy kid” again with adult sensibilities.

*

VINEETO: It could be that when you say today, almost three years after the PCE, that “it doesn’t feel ”solid“ or ”clean“ and I seriously doubt its veracity”, this interpretation may well be from ‘me’ having taken over full control again over your memory of the PCE.

JOSEF: I was thinking about this, and there may be some truth to it. When I rememorate the EE, there’s something to latch onto, namely those felicitous and innocuous feelings which are still affective. But when I think of the PCE, there’s nothing because I was so minimized. I don’t even know how to remember it, so I guess in my cynicism I resolved that it’s best to not even try.
I will try and rememorate the PCE.

VINEETO: This cynicism seems to permeate many areas of your life – it will be a big change for the better when you pay close attention to it. It may have been the single-most deciding factor that no PCEs have happened for a while. Cynicism is the very antithesis of naiveté.

I wish you best of success in rediscovering your naiveté.

Cheers Vineeto